misadventures in wedding photography

I've had this on the back-burner FOREVER because my mother said I couldn't write bad shit about the wedding photographer. But since he still hasn't completed everything our parents paid for, I'm publishing it now....

So mom hired this photographer to shoot our wedding. He was AWFUL. During the wedding he was so awful that he was pissing me off. After the wedding we found his pictures to be so bad that we laughed our asses off one night. Now that some time has gone by and I've seen all the pictures from most of the people that were there I am getting angry again. Friends and family who happen to have cameras captured some of the moments after the wedding even better than the photographer that we paid thousands of dollars!!!

Let's play "who captured it better"...

1.

       photographer A                     or              Photographer B

Did you say B? Me too! And Photographer A was the guy my mom hired. AND he was the one that suggested Aaron pick me up! Why!? So he could take a picture that looks like Aaron's giving me a very awkward hug!? If you're going to frame the photo like that, why have him pick me up at all? And that island in the background looks like a lump growing out of Aaron's head. Did he not notices that? It's called "being aware of the background" guy.

2.

Photographer A:

or Photographer B.

Hmmm. I chose B. Picture A looks like Aaron's regurgitating food and I'm eating it out of his

 beak baby bird style. Or it looks like our faces are melting into each other. Either way, it's not flattering. When looking over the photos that Photographer B took she told me that she was wondering why Photographer A was taking a picture of you guys with the sun right between us when the sun setting to the left of us looked so beautiful. But I have to give a little thanks to Photog A for setting this shot up. If he wasn't making me so angry, Aaron would never had started slow dancing with me on the beach to try and make me smile. Of course Photog A didn't take a picture of this, he was too busy trying to make us fake kiss each other in an attempt to make (and I quote) "the sun burst between your lips." Yikes.

3.

Photographer A           or         Photographer B

Who is that couple in Photo A? You mean the ones awkwardly walking down the beach, taking a step and looking at each other, then taking another step and looking at the ocean, then taking another step and kissing each other? And trying really hard to coordinate these steps while wearing wet wedding clothes and walking on sand and holding hands? Yeah, that couple. I don't know, let's look at Photo B to find out... Oh! It's Aaron and Megan of course, aren't they funny. Look how well their personality comes out in Photo B. And they aren't doing anything fake. FYI photographers- that's always a good photo op, a natural and happy couple.

4.

Photographer A:

or Photographer B.

Um, yes, hi, I have a question Photographer A- Why is the ocean above us? And also where are our feet? Phew, no worries, Photographer B found our feet for us, and also put the Earth back on it's proper axis apparently. Thanks Photographer B.

     Photographer A                 or              Photographer B

Now these photos were taken at the exact same moment and yet it looks like two completely different experiences. And Photo B is one of my most favorite photos from the entire wedding. Photo A is actually not a terrible photo but it looks like Aaron's trying to crush me to death, and the angle is one in which I have to crane my neck and look out the corner of my eyes to smile at the photographer. Photographer B positioned herself in such a way that it looks like Aaron and I are the happiest (and only) people on the planet. Plus look how amazing the sky is, it makes a much better background than tourists in bathing suits.

5.

 

Photographer A                     or       Photographer B

This one makes me laugh every time. Photographer A just wrote our names in the sand and then apparently messed u pon what year it was? I don't know. And then just took a picture of our names. Photographer B, getting the idea from Photographer A, wrote "Megan & Aaron" which made more sense and then took a picture of the beach on which we got married. Yeah, I think i'm going with B on this one.

And finally... the man kept telling us to NOT SMILE! WTF!? Who tells a bride and groom on their wedding day to not smile.

smile v. no smile

In the second picture I'm telling Aaron and I'm about to kill our photographer in 2.5 seconds if he tells me not to smile again.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!